Papa's name is Checco. He's 36 and...
...from the South.
Tall...
...handsome, cool, muscular...
...he's NOT. But he's really nice and likeable.
First he worked in the world of high finance.
Excuse me, how's the Dow Jones?
Down a point and a half.
Trust me, the situation's dramatic...
Welcome back to our hotel. Your party's waiting.
I warned you not to disturb the clients!
But...
Forget it. I'm not interested
- What if someone asks a question? - Back to work! Beat it! Scram!
But in that situation papa didn't feel appreciated.
And so one day in September he came up with a brilliant idea...
...that would change his destiny.
And he rushed to tell mama.
Honey!
What's up? Why the face?
They're closing the factory. Your news?
I quit my job today.
I want to be leadership of myself.
Infected by mama's enthusiasm...
...papa plunged into a job hunt.
But at first it wasn't easy.
Sorry, your profile's inadequate.
Are you sure?
But then one day...
Zalone...
...you're hired!
Thank you, thank you.
Stubbornly determined, papa found the job that would allow him to...
...achieve his aspirations.
'Cause papa says that in life...
Aspiration is everything!
Look Aunties... the King of House Cleaningship. A bargain!
So...?!
- We'll buy it! - Go Aunties!
Papa proved to be quite competent.
You got yourself a bargain, cousin! And you'll exercise too!
Your nephew, Checco. That's who we bought it from!
Eh?... who's Checco?
- Salesman of the year! - Thank you!
And well-deserved...
...recognition soon followed.
I just wanna say to my wife and son...
I love you!
Daniela, Nicolo... look at papa!
Riding the wave of success, papa indulged in a few whims.
Full optional, isn't it fantastic?
Yes, but...
I also have great used bargains.
Lots of gifts for me...
Nicolo, their TAEG surtax is unbeatable!
TAEG! He's a TAEG!
Happy, Taeg?
...and for mama, except mama wasn't so happy.
Nothing smaller?
Gimme a smile for crying out loud! I home-automated you!
Watch and smile.
We have Dolby Surround...
...robotic blender...
We have a self-cleaning...
...defrosting microwave...
...auto-griddle.
We have a coffee maker.
We have exceeded our 3 kilowatts!
Papa teaches me that life can have its darker moments.
- Signora, interested? - You're old! Look!
Zalone, what's up? In six months your sales dropped...
...87.8%. Have you run out of...
- ...enthusiasm? - No, out of relatives.
But it's in hard times that a real entrepreneur...
...must find the answers.
- Yes? - The IRS.
Sorry, we're Catholics here.
Would you cool off?
- They'll give it back. - ...and seek solutions.
We'll get a loan to pay the loans. That's how it's done. Stop the tragedies!
Please, just go away! Disappear from my life!
- Go away! - You're being negative.
- Hello? - Fido-Fly.
You'd better STAY on your payment schedule!
- Go! - STAY or else!
- Go away! - Would you two make up your mind?!
I'm not going!
...and above all try to do his very best.
So lately he's always out working.
You pack my toothbrush?
Get financing and buy one!
And so mama, Taeg and I moved in with my grandparents.
Can we eat without this thing?
- Quiet! He's just a puppy. - No less!
- But papa calls me every day. - Papa, where are you?
At a restaurant, waiting on line. The economy's picking up.
The place is packed. How's school going?
Good... all A minus except two...
...Bs and an A.
Okay, let's do this, Nicolo. If next term you get all As...
...all As in all subjects...
...I'll give you a dream vacation.
You'll give me a vacation?
Sister dearest, what's cooking today? Tart's pasta?
Papa's always joking, but when he makes a promise, he's serious about keeping it.
Time's up children! Keep calm now.
Nice and calm. Pack your schoolbags.
Three months later
Good boy!
You should've studied harder.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
Zalone.
- Ah, Nicolo's father? - Yes.
Congratulations.
- Why? - Read.
A
May I speak to the teacher?
- Why? - The teacher please!
She just left.
Sonova...!
Maybe you don't know that Nicolo's mother and I...
...recently separated.
Yes, your wife told me.
It's very hard on children who...
...as you know, suffer the consequences both psychologically and...
- Yes, I know. - ..scholastically.
- So I'm wondering... - What?
How the hell is it possible that...
...my son was unaffected? He got all As! Please explain.
- You're not happy? - No.
Because this monster you painted...
...can't be my son, trust me!
His parents separate and he excels?!
In all subjects?! Look: History, Italian, A, all As...
Even in behavior, A! No way! When it's called for...
I've never heard Nicolo say a dirty word.
In school, but at home he curses like crazy, especially against you.
"The old bitch should piss off and retire!"
And just yesterday? "She stinks!" Let's check.
And he's a liar!
So, I mean, at least... let's lower him on behavior.
- Now listen - ...or gym!
Listen a moment.
I know all about your economic situation.
- What? - And that you promised Nicolo...
- ...a wonderful vacation. - Yes I did.
- Seeing how Nicole is very bright... - Off the old block.
He's capable of understanding. So simply tell him the truth.
- Tell him everything. - Meaning?
- The recession. - Beg your pardon?
The recession!
In this factory...
...we produced world class fabrics. This stuff here!
We were proud of our profession.
Then this genius CEO showed up...
...and forced us to produce plain cotton T-shirts. This stuff here!
And that's how we plunged! Okay?
MY darling! What a good boy!
Genetics never lie, eh!
Now what?
- I'll take him on vacation. - Ah, vacation. Have you no shame?
After ruining my life, you could at least...
...spare him! Where'll you go seeing you're broke?!
And so...
...another glorious factory shuts down and leaves its employees home...
...laid off. How will they manage?
Eh... we're desperate.
Last year it was redundancy, now they're throwing families on the street.
I imagine your despair is shared by other family members...
...like your husband. Do you have children?
I'm on TV?
- Any children? - Yes yes.
How do you see their future given an outlook anything but rosy?
Not Rosy 'cause he's a boy: Nicolo.
I'm an entrepreneur and optimistic!
There's too much pessimism! Excuse me.
We shouldn't forget that we're the world's seventh economy...
...and Europe's third economy.
- I am... - Italy's first jerk!
I'm convinced we'll make it, people!
People! It only takes optimism.
Here, look at my son's report card!
Look! He got straight As.
So how can I be a pessimist?
Nicole!
Excuse me... if you're there watching this crappy show
that's injecting pessimism so people won't consume anymore...
Papa says he promised a vacation, so...
Bug off! We're going on vacation!
Yayyyy!
- Pack your bags! They're only envious! - Yessssss!
Ciao Nicole! Bug off!
Super-papa! YAYYY!
Papa, you have a valid passport?
Of course. Gimme. Get inside.
Off we goooo!
- Hey, you gotta take him too! - Shut up, you! Shut up!
There's a superhero
Who beats all the others, You know?
He has no wings or missiles.
He doesn't even have a rocket.
You can say he's a hero of our times...
Enemy of the banks and loan sharks
Of the damned and monstrous downturn
Lying in ambush behind the corner.
But he grabs a rag and wipes it out
And even flat broke he wins
Oh the magic power of...
This SUUUUUUU...
- Super-papa! - Postdated checks!
- Super-papa! - Debt installments!
- Super-papa! - Loans backed by family members!
He's deep in poo but he'll pull through!
- Renegotiated mortgages! - Super-papa!
- IOUs up to the roof! - Super-papa!
Alien on grandma's pension!
Come on, where you taking me?
Nooo, it has to be a surprise!
- You said it's in Europe, right? - Yes.
Come on, another hint!
It's got six letters.
London!
- Madrid! - No.
Paris!
What then?
Okay I'll tell you. Look!
You're joking, right?
- Who could this be? - You don't know?!
Checco...
- Checco. - Checco!
Auntie Ritella!
Checco!
- Remember me? - It's been ages!
Thirty years, Auntie.
- The boy? - He's Nicolo...
- ..my son - Finally I...
...meet him! What brings you here?
- We're on vacation. - Where you staying?
Here with you. Our bags. Come on!
Incredible!
Nothing's changed. Same beds, same closet.
All the same.
Come to papa, come...
You should know that papa...
...when he was your age, spent his first vacation here. This very place.
Incredible... it's fantastic.
And it's a fact: my first night here...
...right in this bed, I made pee-pee.
Did Auntie get pissed off the next morning!
It was right here.
No! The stain... is still there! Fantastic!
And the same mold, the same humidity.
Ah... know why those cracks are there?
- Why? - Earthquakes.
Ti-ti-ti-ti-ti, we'll have fun.
Best we call mama... and the child rescue line.
Mr. Surace, good morning!
Zalone, where the fuck are you?
Are you working? Are you pounding your area?
No need to worry, sir because I'm here in Molise...
...where there's a strong family presence and as you know that's...
- ..my target - Of course.
I already made a client list
and they're all penetrable.
Open your ears, Zalone.
If this week you don't sell at least seven vacuum cleaners...
...you're out!
Eh no! That's twice. He's not paying the water. It costs!
So Auntie, are you happy to...
- ...see us? - Yes.
Hell, we're never in touch.
I know nothing about our relatives. How are they? What are they doing?
Eh... Auntie Pina, how is she?
She's there.
What a shame.
Aunt Madia?
Aunt Madia too.
- Aunt Angela? - There.
Auntie Rosa... which corner?
No, Rosa isn't dead.
- Survived? - She's in Canada...
...with her daughters.
Damn! Canada with her daughters... so even Margherita...
...Rosanna, Elena...
...all in Canada.
Know who's still here?
Onofrio, your cousin. He got married...
...and has 2 boys your son's age.
Onofrio's wife... is she into housecleaning?
- The hell do I care?! - Okay, calm down.
Let's go Nicolo, time to play!
You're gonna play dressed like that?
While Papa runs an errand, you'll play with the other kids in town.
Come on, they're all waiting. Curious to find out who Nicole is.
Let's go Nicolo, time to play!
Wait... wait... there's gonna be kids.
G'morning.
Do you know if there's a place here...
...in town like... a schoolyard...
...where kids can play?
Or even a park where...
...a playground where kids meet other kids?
All right, they're like men, only smaller
without beards and higher voices and...
...at around thirteen they get fuzzy.
- Excuse me... Town Hall please? - Who for?
- The Mayor. - I'm the Mayor.
I brought my son here on vacation.
- You're a doofus! - Thank you.
- These places are so beautiful. - Sure, papa, maybe with friends.
Don't worry.
- Papa, where are we going? - To Onofrio's, my cousin.
He's got two boys your age.
When I used to come here we were always together.
He's a bundle of laughs. Just you wait and see.
One day my wife says she's fed up with small-town life...
...and wants to move to the big city.
So she ran off with another man.
To Milan?
To lsernia.
Onofrio, women have these moments of confusion. You gotta understand her.
How are the boys?
Dead?
- She took them with her. - Ah...
She took them...
- There's nobody left in this house. - Completely alone now, eh?
How do you manage, Onofrio?
With the housecleaning?
Look how dirty! Full of mites! If your wife comes back, she'll run away again.
Onofrio, you're a lucky man.
I... You lucky bugger! I've got a product that's just right for you.
This here... wait!
This month we're offering 30% off to abandoned men of the South.
- We used to have that very one. - Used to.
She took it.
- I'll write up the contract. - ...In the closet.
Blessed woman... Where are they?
Checco look... she left it! She left it here!
Took the kids, left the cleaner?
- The whore! - You said to be understanding.
You should've understood she's a whore. Not now. Before you married her!
Where the fuck does this shit go?
Would you stop cursing?! That TV doesn't...
- ..have a SCART plug. - They're not curses...
...but solution-finding formulas.
There is no solution! The TV's 40 years old!
No! No!
I left this here thirty years ago. Know what it is?
What?
What's this noise?
Blood and hell!
What the...?! Are you outta your mind? Electricity costs!
- You're crazy! - What can it cost?
- Look at the bill they sent me! - A two-month totaling 6 Euros 45!
In August I pay 4 Euros, at most 5, but 6 never!
- It's a tragedy! - The boy needs fun. A little humanity!
- Come on! - Now I'll...
...show him fun! Relax. Nicolo!
Pray for your children.
Mother who can do all.
And beg God's mercy!
- Mama, you wouldn't believe it. - Sweetie, listen to me. Tell...
...papa to take you to Piombino tomorrow.
- Sokaina, what time? - Noon. Assad will be waiting.
You hear that? Don't you worry.
- Tell him not to be late! - Okay.
- Ciao darling, ciao. - Ciao. Goodnight.
My poor boy! What did I do to deserve this? What did I do?!
Nicole!
Oh! What are you doing?
Ehm... I talked to mama.
You tell her everything's fine?
Tomorrow I have to go to Piombino.
Piombino? What for?
To leave on vacation with Sokaina.
Papa takes you on vacation and you split?!
Don't treat me like an idiot!
You leave with me, today we arrive and tomorrow you wanna leave?
I studied all year for this vacation because I really cared. You...
- ..instead, came to sell vacuum cleaners! - Calm down.
Vacation?! I would've had more fun at home with friends. Tomorrow we're going!
- Why? - 'Cause we're going!
- Why? - 'Cause you've pissed me off!
Nicole!
Come here right now! Come on, over here!
Repeat what you said!
You're selling vacuum cleaners.
No, what you said after.
- Tomorrow we're... - What you said after that...
- You've pissed me off! - So then you're normal!
Come here!
I was gonna take you to a therapist.
No bad words, never a bad word. I waited but never any bad words.
Let's go to sleep now. Just relax, there's no need to worry.
How many things I've missed, my boy!
Sorry, but I choke up when...
...I think I missed the first time you said a bad word.
- Go to sleep now. Are you all right? - Yes, but who are they?
Who? Ah, that's a compilation...
...that Auntie makes every year...
...a sort of "Deathmania 2013", don't worry about it.
- Hey, you're all cold! - Yeah. I feel a little cold.
Wait here... Hold the light... now I'll teach her a lesson.
The old bitch had one!
This consumes a whole lot!
Nicolo, let's go! Ciao Auntie. We're going.
Not having breakfast?
No, it'll cause heaviness.
- Let's go. - Nicolo...
...come here. Auntie has a nice gift for you.
See how Auntie, at heart...
Never mind. Ciao.
Weren't you the one who spoke of serenity
In those moments of what now?
Like you said, the higher the hill
The more fun the ride down.
What happened now papa?
Don't you feel the buckets of sunshine on your skin?
You can ride on my shoulders, pull hard on the suspenders.
And we'll fly away from here!
Papa, are you sad?
Is papa the kind that gets discouraged?
Let's go, come on!
Remind those people...
...that we did a lot for them. Now it's their turn. Rub it in!
Okay? Come here!
Go now.
How could you even dream of doing such a thing?!
You were crying like a baby!
Me?
You don't know your father. You still don't know him.
- Now there'll be a fight with mama. - Anyway you're separated.
Who told you that? We're not separated, me and your mother.
- Pa, cut the bullshit! - Nicolo!
...bad words must be authorized by me!
Your mother and I, yes...
- ..we're going through a momen... - "Momentary downturn," I know.
But we love each other. Trust me. We'll be together again...
...and next year...
...God willing, the stork will bring you a brother. Okay?
Stork? Papa, am I authorized to call you a dork?
You're becoming a big man!
You're becoming a big stinker!
Papa, a zoo!
There's a sign. Look, a zoo!
Excuse me, boy.
Do you know where the zoo is?
BOY-
Boy?
Oh! Boy!
Where's the zoo? Seeing there's a sign.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE ZOO IS?
- It's here. - That's the zoo?
And your goldfish is the Genoa aquarium?
Humility boy! What's your name?
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!
Lorenzo.
WHERE'S YOUR MOTHER?
There.
Zoe, selective mutism...
...in children is a transient disorder.
But it's a year that Lorenzo hasn't spoken.
We'll continue with the breathing exercises... hippotherapy... herbs.
- And maybe some medications. - No, please no drugs!
Mild remedies.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
- I just spoke to Lorenzo. He told me. - Excuse me my son talked to you?
- Yes, Lorenzo. - He told you his name?
- It's a secret? - Where is he?
Over there with my son. Nicole!
Nicole! Nicole!
- I'm afraid of big dogs. - Mine's a Great Dane.
Danes are huge, aren't they? But I heard they're friendly.
- Do you play soccer? - Yes.
Ever been to a zoo? You know how dolphins sleep?
How?
Two kids.
Excuse me for insisting, but...
...describe the dynamics of your encounter with Lorenzo?
Again? Okay, for the last time.
I called him normally: "boy!"
Nothing, he wouldn't answer. At that point...
I raised my voice: "BOY!"
And the boy began to... Excuse me, but who are you?
I'm the psychologist tending to Lorenzo.
He only needs an ear doctor... Earwax.
Have him prescribe...
Ear picks and you've solved the problem, all right?
I have to leave now... Nicolo!
- Keep him here! - Where are you headed?
- We're looking for a hotel. - You can stay here!
- I can't accept. For free? - Yes. - I accept.
- Zoe is the name of an art gallery? - Now I'm featuring this photographer.
Very talented.
That? How do you like it? It's an old model.
- That's the oeuvre of a French artist. - Ah an oeuvre.
The canvas represents Culture
degraded by the presence of an element
such as a vacuum cleaner, a typical objected portraying
the wretchedness of man, his degradation and annihilation.
A world you wouldn't want to know, but which sadly exists.
- Is the artist alive? - Yes.
- Let's hope he dies. - Why?
Better if under a train, annihilated... offended.
- This way. - Your mother's canary!
Nuts, millet seed with wild asparagus. Delicious!
Basmati with turmeric, which I adore!
Soy bean sprouts with algae, amaranth with...
...pumpkin and sunflower seeds. Joy for the palate!
Ehm... a slice of meat for the boy?
We're vegan, sorry.
All right, no problem. I'll eat... what's this? Millet.
Ciao mama, I'm having a blast!
Ciao Daniela. We're here at hippotherapy with Zoe.
The boy is doing fine.
He made friends with Lorenzo Zoe's son, and other problem kids.
What can I say? We're fine. My best to your colleagues. Optimism!
Who is this Zoe?
I'm a yoga enthusiast.
- Your son's first time? - No, he was a...
...breather from early on. He was born that way.
- Hello. - Hello.
Let's go.
I need to talk to the master. Go, I'll be right there.
- G'morning - Exhi!
- Oh sorry. - Exhi's my name.
Ah for crying...
Relax.
- I was observing you. - I know.
And you gave the impression of someone with many questions inside.
- Yes. - But I think one question...
...is more important than the others.
- Yes. - Ask it.
How do you dust your carpets?
Because I sell vacuum cleaners with special nozzles.
Because we've got a 1139 Euro offer. Wanna buy it?
Need to meditate on it?
- Where we going? - To a movie set.
A movie set? Really? Professional or crappy make-believe?
No, professional.
- Nicole! - Yes?
- Ever been to a movie set? - No never.
It's a real blast!
Pull out this plug.
I no longer wish to nourish this body.
Feed me no longer...
...this daily bread of bitterness.
- CUT!!! - Cut! Cut!
- It's not right. - No, not right.
To me she reeks of bourgeoisie.
Hey, I smelled it too.
I figured it was from outside. Fuck's sake, wash!
And a girl no less!
I've got it. Instead of a monologue a dialogue!
Yes, brilliant!
With someone who urges her to go on living.
- You' re a genius. - A genius!
Just anyone, like...
...a prototype of the average Italian. Nondescript - Yes yes.
Eh... those faces devoid of a certain...
"Euthanasia Mon Amour" 85A, take one!
Pull this plug!
No, no, I will not unplug you.
You can't decree your end. Nobody has that right. Life is an "inalenable"...
"inalienable" papa!
Sorry... Life is an inalienable papa gift.
No, no. I won't pull this...
- ...plug. Eat this bread! - CUT!
It needs to be simpler.
As if you were in your town talking to a girlfriend, okay?
Yo, eat yer sandwich!
You're skin and bones. Look at you! A little fat is good for you!
Eat!
- My mother's style. - CUT!
Just give her the bread and be mute, please!
You yum-yum sandwich! Or you die! You skinny-skinny!
- Skinny-skinny bad. Sandwich good-good. - CUT! CUT!
CUT!
- Thank you, it's a wrap. - If she's a dud...
Whaddya want from me?
Just a second, Lorenzo.
- A debacle, damn them! - Ludovico, wait!
I don't know what got into him.
- Zoe! Did something happen? - No, nothing.
- Was it me? - No, it's not you.
No, 'cause normally I act. But let's say that...
- This director Ludovico, is a bit... - He's an asshole!
Come on, don't talk like that in front of the children.
He's a dumb-ass, that's what, a bit of a dumb-ass.
No, on set I didn't realize that he was Lorenzo's father...
...the director.
I'm afraid I said things that...
He promised to spend time with him. Instead, he's stuck on the film.
You told me this at eleven, now it's one. Time to go to bed.
He doesn't understand how his behavior is hurting Lorenzo.
You already said that too.
- He's a totally nonaffective person. - Nonaffective.
- Incapable of feeling sentiment. - Sentiment.
- He sacrificed interaction with his son - sacrificed... interaction... son...
- And that's the cause of Lorenzo's mutism. - ...cause... Lorenzo's mutism.
I know... it's better now...
I lost ten years of my life with him.
No... my boy... it's not what...
Dummy!
There's nothing... silly... wait Zoe!
My son saw us from the window and it looks like... Know what I mean?
Zoe... I'm asking you please... Come on!
Checco, can we go swimming?
You're nuts!
It's fantastic!
Lorenzo... it's 4 in the morning, go to sleep, please.
Then can we hunt fireflies?
Last year, one night there were tons of them.
- You gotta tell jokes now? Come on! - Her name is Cecilia...
- Photonic ray. Galactic eyes - You're a cruel bastard too!
Galactic number 96. Lepioscura...
Listen to me!
Do you know your papa is a completely nonaffective person...
...who abandoned every form of interplay with you? That's right.
Only caring about his ego.
Ohhh... Did you get hit by selective mutism?
Good, now go to sleep. Move it, back to bed, go!
Tomorrow I'll unblock you.
Switch off the light with mutism.
Damn it... Yesterday Lorenzo was doing so well!
Can't they go to your mother's?
I asked, but Checco has to leave.
He said he's got a workshop with Americans. He's a businessman.
What a pity!
Zalone, what's up?
You were in Molise and you didn't close one fucking deal?!
Sir, you don't need to worry.
Right! You're the one who needs to worry!
Goodbye.
- Why can't we go with them? - Nicolo, I told you why.
You saw how they are.
Floor beds, energy flows, hippotherapy...
...breathing... They're Communists, Nicole!
My teacher taught me not to discriminate...
for political reasons, or ethnic reasons or reasons of sexual orientation.
- Shut your trap! - You're narrow-minded!
What if one day I confess that I'm...
- What? - No, never mind.
I got enough troubles...
What were you saying? What if you confess you're...?
It was hypothetical.
If we talk now, we can still do something, there's still time.
Come on... What if you confess that you're...?
- Homosexual. - Aah!
I thought Communist.
Go take a hike! You scared me!
- We're going with you! - Really? Hurray!
The human-sexuals are people top to bottom.
Just like us, us normal folks.
They laugh, they cry, they clap their hands.
Even if they're a bit partial to ass.
Pa, just put on jeans and a T-shirt and let's go!
No, my son. We have to live like them and dress like them.
To understand...
...how that ideology burns on the skin.
Excuse me, do you also have Che Guevara bags?
- Good morning everybody! - Welcome back, Lorenzo.
Manuela, look after their needs.
Thank you.
This way, please. Good morning.
Chardonnay, Chardonnay.
This is your Alessian style suite.
Here's the reading area. We've prepared a welcome cocktail.
This is the piano Chopin played before his death.
Kindly follow me.
This is the Marco Polo room, frescoed by Domenico Piola.
A precious table from the 1700's, decorated with lapis lazuli and albumen.
The Oriental style bed was a gift from Prince Scotto.
Guests here have ranged...
...from Queen Margherita to Hegel.
- Hegel on this bed? - You're an admirer?
Eva Hegel, seen all her films! Hope you changed the sheets though.
Ah, I almost forgot.
There's private temperature control.
But there's a slight problem with the ionizer.
Eh, hell no! And she saves it for last!
A "slight problem!" Let's go... or do we stay anyway?
Yeah, okay.
Humility. I like it. Humility.
You have nine Euros change?
I'll leave it on the lapis lazuli... tomorrow.
Come here my boy!
Tell mama how much fun!
- Ciao mama! - Ciao Daniela.
- Ciao! - Ciao Daniela!
Philip, Pino, bring me a cocktail, please!
Careful my boy. Careful!
He's doing much better Lorenzo, eh?
- Juliette - Look here!
Vittorio is here.
There'd be some papers to sign.
Zoe, please come.
Again?
This stuff again?
- This "stuff" is a great opportunity for our companies. - Our companies.
After my father died our firms stopped...
...producing goods made with care.
Now it's all...
...just stock market and financial activities.
Sorry my dearest, but after your father died...
...you own 33% of the company shares, yet you...
...never showed any interest.
What do you expect now?
To give Vittorio lessons in finance management?
G'morning, how do you do? Zalone.
- Zoe's mama? - Yes.
Incredible. Your old age is truly youthful, my compliments.
The accountant?
- Yes, in a way. - Who are you?
I'm Juliette's companion and the managing director of their companies.
Ah, in fact I heard you talk about finance.
I can offer my expertise...
What outfit were you discussing, Zoe?
- I doubt you know it. - Which? Which?
Fido-Fly, headquartered in Milan?
Represented by the Law Firm Zanoni located in Brugherio?
- Yes. - How are you involved?
We're buying them out.
You want to buy out Fido-Fly?
Holy! No! Really? You're joking?
- No. - Fido-Fly's in deep shit!
Fido-Fly's going belly-up in a couple of weeks.
I'll explain Fido-Fly:
It's a company that lends money to riffraff.
Loans galore! People take advantage of their "TAEG." Know what TAEG is?
It's...
Annual percentage rate of change.
Good boy! So what happens?
The people taking...
...their money are... Hey, listen up!
The borrowers are beggars...
...with no collateral, strapped with installments they'll never pay.
These Fido-Fly people figure that those beggars...
...with no pay checks...
...will cough up the money!
Hopeless dumbasses, signora. My advice is...
...to forget this buy-out.
Signora, I already like you.
Cross my heart.
Forget Fido-Fly. Enjoy your old age. See you tonight, good people!
This individual will attend the gala?
Who? My new companion? Yes.
Fido-Fly here. You're late on 48 installments. When are you settling?
Not now, I'm too young to settle Relax and fuck off.
Tortello in pistachio sauce.
It's ready. Strain it!
If your father...
If father could speak...
- ..he'd speak volumes. - Who can't speak?
My grandpa Riccardo.
- He'd say you're irresponsible. - Where is he?
In heaven. Two years ago.
- He wouldn't approve your sentiments. - If your father could speak...
- ..he'd tell me to live my life - Wait, wait.
He'd say you squandered...
RICCARDO! Would you talk?! Dumbass!
Your grandson's mutism is your fault!
Vittorio, why did you drop Fido-Fly?
The daughter withdrew her proxy.
The spoiled brat.
No, it's not that. Now she's put her trust in a new companion.
Ah yeah? Who is he?
Idiot. What's with the clothes?
No. Heads up... He knows the score, okay?
Come.
Checco, meet Pier Giorgio, a dear friend of my father.
- A pleasure. - Bollini, hello.
- Zalone. - Hermes, my wife.
- How do you do? - Hermes.
She's my daughter, Olga.
- Excuse me, isn't she...? - No.
- And she is... - Wait, wait! The grandmother!
- See you later. Let's mingle. - Wait, let me talk... don't be rude!
In this African village, the children live in a desperate state.
They have no water, no food.
As you can see, the houses are decrepit.
So you can imagine the health conditions.
- Nicolo - They have no vaccines. And that's why...
...thanks to the help of Father Faberge...
...we've decided to adopt this village!
I'd like to ask my daughter Zoe, and my grandson Lorenzo...
...to come on stage with the envelope...
...proceeds of your offers.
Good evening, thank you.
Ehh, Giulietta...
...the images were certainly shocking.
I dunno about you, but I got a lump in my throat.
Excuse me, could I have some Champagne please?
- May we know... - Vintage 2008?
- May we know the amount, please? - Yes, wait, right away.
Excuse me, but I'm moved because this check...
...isn't postdated!
- Hey look... have you ever seen one? - No, never.
Your goodness is incredible!
The amount please!
43,000 Euros!
- 43,000 Euros. - And indeed with 43,000 Euros...
...we can buy many things for the village. - Many, many...
...many vacuum cleaners!
Friends, hands are useless against African mites.
Maybe we can buy other things...
...seeing how the power station is six miles away.
Extension cords! Friends, with extension cords...
Hey, Father Faberge, with an extension cord you're OKAY!
On with the gala!
MUSIC!
They're stealing our rights!
Our dignity! But we'll fight to the death...
...to claim our rights!
That's why today we're here...
...instead of being with our children...
...on a vacation they'd deserve as well.
- Ciao Daniela! - Mama, it's beautiful here!
- Regards to your colleagues! - Ciao!
Not very classy, but lots of fun.
Juliette, is this Checco Zoe's companion?
No, he's just a friend.
Are you sure?
Son, you see, today we're here...
...among these people, in this luxury, aboard this yacht...
...and we feel good, but careful my boy!
You mustn't think this is happiness.
- That's wise, Pa. - 'Cause look over there, Nicole!
THAT'S happiness! With a helicopter!
- Cool off! - Not this tub!
- That's our goal! - Calm down!
- Together we'll tower over these people! - Keep calm...
And PUH! Sorry, sweetie!
Because for me and you, son, the sky's the limit, Nicolo!
Mr. Manieri, thank you for joining us.
Indulge our curiosity: are you here on vacation?
Vacation? What's that?
- He's hot tonight - There are rumors that...
...you'll be President of the Manufacturers Group.
Highly unlikely. Juliette would throw me out. Wouldn't you?
It's working, he's got them!
- One question? - Without a lawyer?
Juliette, he's going really...
I am absolutely in favor of...
...Europe and the rules that...
...our European partners have codified.
Keep your lousy Europe with its murderous HACCP!
- Hear hear! Damned right! - Quiet!
I think women on the work force...
Tell us about the costs of female workers on maternity leave!
This guy's out of his mind.
Mr. Manieri, I see someone who's upset.
Bring him a microphone please.
- Good evening. - Care to ask a question?
I'm offering answers, dear Kojak!
Tonight I haven't felt...
...any VAT numbers throbbing in our hearts.
It needs to be said.
Vittorio, you're not ready to represent us.
Vittorio, you say "Europe," but you don't mention HACCP!
It's... eh...
"Hazard Analysis Critical Control Points". Come on!
Good boy. And what does it mean?
If I produce a mozzarella...
...I gotta write on the cover wrap its expiry date...
...that it was made by...
...a certain cow living in a certain country...
...that the milk was in a refrigerated cell at a certain temperature...
...sterilized in accordance with EU rules...
Eat the mozzarella! Fuck's sake!
Thank you.
Vittorio, you talk about female labor.
But when I the businessman hire...
...a woman who gets pregnant, I have to pay family allowance.
I gotta substitute her. I gotta train and pay her substitute.
I gotta rehire and retrain her, 'cause meantime she forgot everything.
So you know what I say?
Working girl, you wanna get pregnant? Then I'll bang you! Me your employer!
Thank you big-belly country!
Like this we'll save the country! That's the truth!
Thank you! Autographs later.
Will we be enjoying the company...
...of your businessman much longer?
- We're yours every single moment! - Send him away!
- Yeah papa! - Go Checco!
No, forget it!
- Make friends with him. - No!
You're a natural. Make friends, hang out together.
Play golf, drink champagne. Operation Congeniality. Sometimes a smile...
...goes a long way. C'mon, smile! That's it excellent!
You work on him and I work on Zoe.
- The stakes? - Your choice.
- Champagne! - Champagne!
- Five cases! - Nooo!
No, no, Vittorio. Ten cases!
Ten, good! I like to play big.
- Of course! It's the only way! - Papa...
...you don't have enough for even one bottle!
My son, so many things you need to learn about economics!
You see, banks...
...when you have a piddling debt, they hound you.
For big debts instead, they help you. Understand?
We'll dig huge financial holes together. Let's go.
Twenty cases, Vittorio!
Zoe, with all due respect, this...
...Checco doesn't seem to be such an expert.
Ah no? Look at this.
FIDO-FLY GOES BANKRUPT
All the dirt on Fido-Fly...
- ..how did you know about it? - Eh... I knew, I knew.
- What's your expertise? - Me? The cleaning sector.
I knew you were a Class A sonovabitch!
Could you also "clean" for our companies?
- I clean everywhere, Vittorio. - Discreetly.
I never talk about other people's dirt, Vittorio.
- Then I guess we can work together. - You've got lots of dust?
Super-papa!
He's in the poo but he'll pull through!
Super-papa!
Okay then... I'm already tasting the bubbles.
I dunno, but I didn't imagine you were such a good shot.
If I sink this one...
- ..I win - Go for it.
' Yes! ' No!
No eh!! You don't...
...cheer mistakes. It's not sportsmanlike!
Checco, he's just a boy.
He has to learn it's done like this!
More contained, more elegant. Okay, now it's my turn.
Go papa, 90 Papa---
Yes!!! Hurray!
Yes! !
You're the champion!
You see your Papa?
The best! Yayyyy!
This time you won, but in any case...
...from now on we're a team, right?
At your disposal, Vittorio.
- See how papa plays golf? - Really well!
- Let's go boys - Where you going?
- We'll change our clothes and go. - Where?
- It's a secret. - A secret?!
- I can't come? - No. See you tonight.
- I know that you and Vittorio talked. - It's all settled.
Can we trust you?
I said yes, guys. So relax.
Eh, speak of the...
Mr. Surace, g'morning.
Well, the contracts?
Zalone? Zalone!
Hello... Can you hear me?
What the hell is that fool cooking?
Fuck! The battery's shot.
- Take mine. - Thanks, Vittorio. Just a sec, guys.
Hello Mr. Surace, it's Checco.
Good going, Vittorio.
Relax, Surace. I'm in the middle of a huge deal.
Let me explain: I'm here with Pier Giorgio Bollini and Vittorio Manieri...
...who are both bigshots. We're talking major business.
They have companies...
...in the Cayman Islands...
...which practically speaking...
...fill Chinese boxes with dirty money.
So you can imagine all the dust. But they wanna clean 'em...
...so they called me.
Except they wanna clean 'em there and bring 'em to Italy already cleaned.
But when I heard talk...
...of the Cayman Islands, well, I had a sudden doubt.
Eh.
Do they use a 3-prong plug? 'Cause without a 3-prong it's useless.
I told you to offer Schuko!
Zalone, just one thing: if by tomorrow I don't see a contract you're fired!
So guys, this contract? What's the story?
- Come and meet our friends. - Friends? Let's go.
- Update the file? - Yes.
Girls, I tried my best, but that was their counter offer.
He's in financial straits? What a joke! He's gotta give us...
...our full due to the last penny!
Otherwise no agreement!
Portofino has always been a tourist haven.
Look who's there! Look where the boss is!
That's financial straights? That?!
- Vittorio, good afternoon. - Thank you, good afternoon.
- Always so dapper! - Happily on vacation, look!
- I dress Italian. - Pay us, dimwit!
I have faith in Italian products because“.
...I know they contain love, care and craftsmanship.
How nice to be free...
...to sail the sea and sip wine with friends.
- I see one here. - Hello everybody!
- Ask a question! - Yes, what's better on a yacht...
...bubbly or dry?
Well, let's say that with bubbly there's a party.
It's instant cheer. Fun.
Dry is an "evergreen", let's say a classic.
But if you ask me, Miss, dry or bubbly, so what?
What's important is you drink with friends, like Vittorio.
Cheers then!
Nicole! Come and say hello!
Give a kiss to Uncle Vittorio. Come on!
Say hello to mama!
- Hello from Sampdoria! - Liguria.
Yeah, sure, whatever. Ciao Ciao!
I swear to you, I had no idea. I swear!
- What a shithead! - Yes, he's a shithead.
Where's my cell? Give me my cell, please? Where is it?
I'll give you a vacation! It's over, loverboy... It's over.
Daniela, I'm entering a masonry. Catch you later. Ciao!
- Come with me! - Eh? - Move it, dummy, let's go!
I'd like to thank my friends...
...Vittorio Manieri and Pier Giorgio Bollini for this opportunity.
What can I say?
I'm from Apulia, so...
...next year we should meet there 'cause there's lots of great masonry.
It's fine here, but I got...
...a lodge in Foggia. Great food!
See you in Apulia!
Did I say something wrong?
You can't imagine how happy Nicolo was.
Of course, with such a gift!
How could you think of such a thing?
It's a gift I wanted for him.
- I'll fill out a check and pay. - No, don't!
- Zoe, I can't accept such a thing. - Really, don't.
- I'm someone who pays his things - Anyhow, I didn't spend 2018 Euros.
That's the cash-in date!
- It was from my heart! - No, it's embarrassing, I'm embarrassed.
Zoe, you're embarrassing me.
- What the...? Zoe! - Come on, jump in!
No, Zoe. Come on! What's gotten into...?
It's marvelous at night.
- Zoe... - Come on!
- ..Hold still... - I won't do anything.
Nothing, eh?
Come on! Get undressed!
Hold still! Whaddya want? Who called you? Eh?
Come on! Jump in!
If I jump in we can cook pasta 'cause the water will boil.
I'm waiting.
Just a second.
Ciao Nicolo, how are you?
I'm in a tent with Antonio, my new companion.
You know, sweetie, he's a trade unionist. And he's attentive to the...
needs of us working girls.
I can't wait for you to meet him!
My best to your father. Ciao sweetie!
But did something happen?
No, Zoe, it's nothing... I just have to go back.
Anyway Checco, let me say...
...we had a fine time and...
...Lorenzo is smiling again.
And for me too it was lots of fun.
Especially with my mother.
And I thank you.
- Instead, I apologize, Zoe. - For what?
Not even a quickie...
Who's gonna believe it?
Lorenzo, ciao pal.
Remember: no more selective mutism.
If you feel it coming, just talk it away! Let's go.
- Ciao Lori! - Ciao.
I spoke to Checco and he said we'll meet in Venice for Ludovico's film.
- He won't go to Venice. - Would Cannes be easier?
No. For him Ludovico's film sucks.
I can't wait for you to meet him.
My best to your father!
- This guy's mama's new friend? - Yes, Nicolo.
- This puker? - Nicole!
Let's not judge before we even meet him...
...the jerk! All right?
You will create a relationship with this gentleman.
After which, you will freely...
...decide whether to stay with mama: vegetables, beans and early to bed
videogames max 30 minutes, good luck.
...or else with papa: soccer games, movies, popcorn...
...carbonated beverages without any problems, Nicolo.
Remember that papa's never been against carbon dioxide.
He's a fan.
So now listen up: stop sniveling my boy! You're a man with a spine.
Okay? Stop texting mama trying to make...
- ..her change her mind - I'm playing Ruzzle.
You're playing, eh? Well...
Text mama! Say: papa loves you.
Papa really cares. Go back to him!
You got 100 free messages.
Send you louse! Write:
- Don't destroy our "nuclar" family. - "Nuclear".
You've pissed me, Nicole! Just write, write the message!
- You send it! - No! You send it!
We had a good time together, eh?
Nicolo, papa's always there.
If you need me, just call.
- And always remember? - Optimism.
Optimism. 'Cause only like that will there be buckets of sunshine.
Papa, it's buckets of... sunshine. I like it!
Come here!
Ciao papa.
My darling, welcome back!
- Mama, guess what they gave me! - What?
What a shitty summer! "Where've you been?" Walking the dog to crap!
Move it!
He's VAT. Very important to Nicolo.
Take good care of him.
Ciao TAEG. Ciao VAT.
I play this love story of ours in slow motion.
I cry and am left breathless.
Where did I go wrong.
I focus my thoughts to see
if I ever hurt you
if I ever clipped your wings.
Where did I go wrong?
I made you iron, I made you scrub.
I mean, did I ever forbid you to wash a load?
Where did I go wrong?
It was your joy to throw out the garbage.
Your immense emotion to pack the winter clothes.
What's the sense of this setting sun
if I go back home and dinner's not ready?
What good is the morning dew
if my undies aren't in the dresser?
What good is my washing machine...
...without her pulling out the duds and happily hanging them?
Maybe it was wrong to buy you a Thermomix.
You were jealous, I know you babe!
Maybe you were offended by the dishwasher
you with your hands are more prodigious.
Maybe I was wrong to never tell you
that for me there was only one object
and that was you you you.
Two months later
MANIERI AND BOLDRINI A TWO-MAN CRIME SYNDICATE
I chose to meet you...
...in the old family factor...
...because this is where we began.
A history of beauty and quality...
...admired worldwide.
Our future challenge is to return to the past...
...but I'll need your help.
I want to thank the person who opened my eyes...
...and who made all this possible: Checco.
Good morning one and all.
Comrades...
...I've struggled for you with passion for we must all fight injustice.
I respect you both as workers and as women inasmuch as lesser...
Wait!
...the protections you are owed, the "lesser" protections not you.
I heartily thank you and offer...
...my best wishes for the future. P.S. pronounce clearly, papa!
Then I wanted to saying something to a person who is there among you.
She's the person I love. The person who I'm suffering for in this period.
Daniela, I'm a different man today. I've changed a whole lot.
And I'm willing to do anything to get back with you again.
Anything, even...
...taking out the garbage at night...
...because we're equal.
Daniela, I beg you.
At last...
...things could start again.
With milk, the way you like it.
- Uhm, I've gotta do the laundry. - I already did it.
For me, the red ones are pretty too.
Yes, this fabric is beautiful.
- Yes. - Yes, it's perfect.
- Stupendous. - We'll start with this one.
Well?
They ask if they can pay with postdated checks.
You're asking me?
My first postdated was in the days of Mao.
I'm raising a Great Wall: "don't play to the house of the players!" Okay?
I was immediately alarmed by this situation...
...one which surely mustn't be underestimated.
And so I consulted the doctor, who...
...will describe the psychological condition presently afflicting Nicolo.
Yes, the boy's psychological profile is quite clear and apparent.
Your son is inclined to seek refuge in realities of pure...
...make-believe, going so far as to invent...
...idyllic situations...
...that are clearly a product of his imagination.
The cause can be attributed to your present economic difficulties.
Excuse me, you're a...?
Psychologist.
Sorry, it's a personal thing.
Excuse me, but what did Nicolo write?
Ah, I'll tell you right away.
Horseback riding and then even received a horse as a gift.
Hosted in a magnificent seaside villa with a pool.
Parties with VIPs...
...with a menu of cocktails and lobster.
Then he went on a yacht.
Then he was pulled...
...by a motorboat while riding a parachute.
Then he rode a helicopter to a...
...golf tournament which he won...
...and the prize was champagne.
Is that a vacation?!
Eh, you must consider the downturn.
- The what? - The downturn.
The psychologist.
They know shit these people.
No, no, no, wait!
Our vacation didn't end here.
Come in come in.
Poor Aunt Ritella, poor Auntie.
Eighty-nine... eighty-nine... eighty-nine...
Nicolo, when we left, did we switch off the heater?
No. Should I go switch it?
No, my boy, she'll be going out first. And now?
She has to remain attached...
...to that machine that monitors her blood pressure.
- It's not easy. - Eighty-nine...
Hey... what's going on?
Oh Auntie! How are you doing?
It's me, Checco, Auntie. Calm down, Auntie.
You only have to rest now.
There's this machine that's constantly monitoring you.
- But you gotta rest. - Is it electric?
Eh yes, Auntie, electric... It's not like...
- Pull out the plug. - No, Auntie.
- Pull the plug. - No, it keeps you alive.
- Pull the plug. - Nooo Auntie.
- Pull the plug - No, you gotta consume it!
- Pull it! - Electricity has to be consumed!
- The plug! - No, Auntie, life is an inalienable gift!
You have no right to decree your end!
No Auntie, I won't be your accomplice!
Nooo Auntie, you gotta consume electricity! !
No Auntie, I won't unplug you! You tell her too!
- I won't unplug! - I won't unplug!
All right already! It means I'll commit...
..."Auntienesia".
- Why's he laughing? - Because...
There was nothing on TV that day, you know.
The satellite dish and Wi-Fi were on the blink.
Jus warm beer and no ice.
And now what the hell am I gonna do?
She on the couch, me looking at the clock.
More of these 50 shades of gray.
Hey, since three in the afternoon.
Sorry love, I can't put this book down.
I said "Hey, you know, there's a chapter do it with me!"
And among millions of spermatozoa
marathon runners racing to the ovum
one of them conquered the ovary.
Welcome Gaia!
And don't talk to me about luck
or the effect of the moon!
Step aside Mayan prophecy
this is windfall Gaia!